I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
