peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
