I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
