Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize