Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize