drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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