I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
