They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
