i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
