Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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