Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
