i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
