omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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