I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
