But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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