Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
