it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
