i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
