Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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