i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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