I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Send help, water and tortillas.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
tell me about the eggs
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