We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
