She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
