This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we made out on top of his cat.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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