I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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