Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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