Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize