direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
