I looked at my own cervix.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
