So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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