Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
