remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
