I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm passing your future prison.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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