Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
