The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
