We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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