She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
