She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
