i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I supernannyed him into submission
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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