I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
