The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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