I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
