i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
