I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
