I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
