No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize