Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
