I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
