i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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