I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
God, I missed his penis.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
