im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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