The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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