**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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