I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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