I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
