I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
