We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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