to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize