I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
