i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
