On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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