I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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