I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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