I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
